If you are feeling uncomfortable talking about sex then it is worth considering that if you are, then chances are your partner is too.
Talking about sex and fantasies can potentially really improve your sex life, enabling you to share and explore, as well as enabling you to feel emotionally closer to each other. There are some considerations to make before doing so. It’s important to remember that fantasies don’t need to be acted out. Many people like to keep them just as a fantasy. It’s also important to remember that not everyone has the same sexual interests and fantasies so no-one should feel forced into anything they are not comfortable with.
The main reasons people don’t usually want to share is because they are embarrassed or feel their partner may react negatively so it’s important that partner’s are considerate of each other to avoid any feeling of rejection or shame as this is what people fear most.
Timing is often everything. It’s great if the openness starts early in the relationship but it’s important that you feel safe enough to do so, so trust is important. It can be introduced at any time in the relationship, and it’s worth revisiting every now and again as often over time people get focused on domesticity and the direction changes or they feel scared of triggering negative reactions in a partner. If sex becomes less frequent or less spoken about, it puts up a bit of a wall, which then results in people feeling uncomfortable about talking about it and many avoiding talking about it altogether. It’s important to remember that just as that wall gets built up, it can get taken down again, if you both want it to.
In order to avoid partners reacting negatively it’s helpful to really set the scene. Choose a time when neither of you are tired, stressed, or distracted, and think about how you can inject some playfulness/romance into it. See it as a way of getting closer to your partner and share that goal with them. It helps to both be aware that in order to get closer it’s important that each feel safe to share. If either of you don’t like the idea of something rather than reacting negatively, move the conversation on by enquiring more about other fantasies and interests, and reassure a partner when necessary. Keep it playful, don’t rush it, and remember fantasies are fantasies, you don’t have to act them out or see them as a threat. In fact to share them can make you feel incredibly close knowing that your partner has shared their innermost sexual thoughts with you.
